Use Grammarly’s English grammar corrector because bad grammar is like a bad toupee, everyone can see your shortcomings.
It has been over a month since I wrote about my continued journey to be yell-free and how I am learning to deal with my children in a better way. Since then I have done remarkably well (if I do say so myself). 🙂 It is obviously still a daily struggle, but I find it has been much easier to deal with outbursts and tantrums, and I have finally found a way to be happy and not feel so burned out – even with a new baby in the house!
The only issue that seems more prevalent now (even though it was probably always there) is that I find myself getting upset if my husband doesn’t do things a certain way, or ‘get on board’ with exactly what I am doing. Figuring out how to take a step back and work with my husband, instead of getting upset if things aren’t perfect, is one of my new goals. This, along with continuing to learn more strategies about how to be a better parent (the book How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk has been a huge lifesaver), are what I plan on working on over the next few months.
Letting go of perfection – or as close to perfection as you can get with three kids
I think the main thing I need to remember, and perhaps if I remind myself daily it won’t be so hard, is that I need to let go of all the idea that there are things he needs to do before I am happy. I know that sometimes our floors don’t get swept (we are both busy). Sometimes our lawn gets a bit overgrown (we both work two jobs). Sometimes I do “his jobs” and I don’t say anything. I just remind myself that these are MY standards, not his. Maybe he doesn’t care if the kitchen is messy, but I do, so I need to work on keeping it that way. I love him, and I know if I can just let go of this idea in my head of how things ‘should be’ I will be much happier. It’s a process, letting go, but so worth it.
Things to remember when letting go (regarding husbands, kids, or just life)
Worry and guilt are pretty much wasted emotions. Act from right now.
Something I read recently and am trying to remember for myself: “Foodstuffs (flour, eggs, etc.) are inexpensive toys and full of experiment power. Don’t get hung up on wasting. (This is also good to remember when you’re in the middle of a great phone conversation. My child has, many times, happily cracked a dozen eggs while I finished up a great phone call.)” (http://sandradodd.com/beginning). In the scheme of things I’d rather have them happily experimenting with these items instead of mindlessly watching TV. I just have to remind myself that messes can be cleaned and not worry about it so much.
If my husband is parenting differently than me, it is his way of doing things not mine, and that is okay. If I don’t agree with it I can discuss it with him at a later time instead of in the moment.
So tell us….
Do you parent differently than your spouse? Do you let your kids experiment with things around the house? How do you take a step back and just ‘let go’?