Long-distance relationships can be hard to maintain. Without physical contact, it can be easy to drift apart. A few signs that an LDR isn’t working could include trust issues, difficulty starting conversations, or a sense of dread every time you have to talk to them. There are few different routes that you can take when this starts to happen. Below are just a few questions to ask yourself to determine the right next step.


Do you need to communicate more/less?

Communication problems can often be the reason that many long-distance relationships don’t last. It could be that you’re not talking to each other enough or that you’re talking too much.

You should try to talk to each other daily. However, you should never feel forced to do so. Conversations should be something that you both look forward to. If one of you is constantly putting off calls, it could be a sign that you’re drifting apart. 

There’s usually no need to constantly call or message a partner throughout the day unless that’s what you’d usually do back home. If you’re constantly checking up on your partner, consider whether it’s out of love or lack of trust. Paranoia and a long-distance relationship are not a good combination – finding a solution to this could be important if you want to maintain a healthy relationship. 

Can you find new ways to spice it up?

If you find that conversations are getting repetitive, it could be time to spice up how you communicate. A few ways in which you can spice up a long-distance relationship include.

  • Making a plan for the future together
  • Playing virtual games together
  • Sending surprise love letters/gifts
  • Watching the same film together at the same time (you can do this via Netflix Party)
  • Dressing up for a virtual date

It’s worth suggesting ideas with your partner and trying things out. Don’t be afraid to get ambitious, such as cooking the same meal together from two different locations. 

Change It Up

Is it time to close the gap?

If you miss each other too much and are really struggling to make it work, you may want to consider closing the gap – even if it’s to meet up in person briefly. 

You could take it in turns to visit each other. How often you can meet up may depend on how far away you live from each other. If you’re both on different sides of the world, meeting up regularly could be harder due to the travel time and expense, but it’s something that needs to happen to keep your relationship alive. 

One of you may even decide to move permanently to be with the other. Moving to be with a partner is a big decision and could involve leaving family, friends, and careers behind. You also need to consider the costs and legalities of moving, such as applying for a spouse visa if you’re moving abroad. A move abroad may even involve learning a new language. These are all big things to weigh up.

Should you call it off?

If your long-distance relationship isn’t working and neither of you wants to make an effort to fix it, it could be time to call it off. It’s worth having a serious discussion about what is best for the two of you. You may even want to give a week of no-talking a taster to see how you cope. 

Long-distance relationships can be much more difficult to end if you have kids. You can find a guide to handling a LDR with kids here