I have a few close friends, or at least I like to think I do. I don’t have a LOT of personal friends, but the ones I do have I like to think are my really good friends. But lately, even those friends have just been, well, pissing me off! Maybe its just me, but why is everyone so wrapped up in themselves lately that they can’t even take time to have a simple phone conversation with me!!!??
Here’s an example from a phone conversation that I had with my friend (or really with myself) last night:
Me: Hey how’s it going? You’re not working tonight huh?
Friend: No, we are putting up our tree.
Me: Awesome, we did that and only had one ornament casualty.
Friend: I just don’t know how to let the kids help and let go.
Me (talking as my friend is screaming at her kids in my ear): Oh, yeah, you just kinda have to let them do it how they want and just not obsess so much. It’ll work out OK. I just let my kids do pretty much all of it.
Friend: Mmmm. And now she is basically just talking to everyone else around her, completely ignoring what I just said or anything I have to say.
Me: At this point I decide to just sit in silence because I know how these conversations go…. I talk, she pretends to listen even though she isn’t, then tells me she has to go.
Friend: Well I better get going, we are gonna try to get this finished.
Me: Yeah, ok. Sounds good (she hangs up before I even finish talking).
(Some of this conversation may be edited to make it sound funnier, or because I couldn’t remember exactly what we each said :))
Ok… really? If you don’t want to have a conversation with me, then don’t answer the phone. Let it go to voice mail. I would rather leave a message then try to talk to someone who doesn’t want to listen to anything I have to say. At least the voice mail box will listen to me, hell, it will even record what I have to say.
I know my friend has been having a rough time this year, and I’ve tried to be supportive as much as I can. We live roughly 4 hours apart, so its not like I can drop in and see her whenever I want, but I have made an effort to try and visit whenever I can. She never seems to reciprocate that effort. Even when we lived 1/2 hour apart, I would visit all the time, she came to my house twice. The first time to “check out” our pad, and the second time so I could watch her kids while her and her husband went away for the day. I just feel really let down by this particular friend, because she is one I’ve had since we were kids. We lived together since we were 15 and 14 (me, her), up until I was about 20 (with a few semesters off for college). And what makes this even tougher to swallow for me is that she takes time out to hang out with her “new friends” from work and/or school, which I know because she posts about it on facebook (hello—rub in my face much!).
I get that she has a life with her husband and kids, but does that mean you totally disregard any friendship that we had except when it suits you? I am the type of person who loves finding time away to hang out with my friends. My family is there every day, but I only get to see my friends once in a while so I make the effort to make that happen. My friends never seem to do the same.
I am also trying to stay in contact with another friend I that have; facebook, phone, sms, even email. I am lucky to get a response every 4th or 5th attempt. Unless of course you need a reference for a job, then I can be expected to be contacted almost every day.
Seriously, is that all I am to my friends, someone they can use when they want? I feel closer to my network of blogger friends lately that I do to my real friends, and I don’t even know any of them personally.
I have been making new friends lately in the town that I live in, which I am really grateful for because it is so nice to be able to finally hang out with some people other than my 4 and 2 year old! But even these friends are starting to exhibit some of these same traits. One friend will basically make plans and decide on what to do without consulting anyone else, and you can take it or leave it. She really has no concern/regard for what anyone else is doing and doesn’t seem willing to compromise plans to suit everyone, if it doesn’t fit with what she wants to do… too bad. She is nice enough, just tough to be friends with.
Another friend I am just getting to know, so I really don’t know much about her yet, I am hoping this time I have found someone who I can really just hang out with without having to worry about if she is going to make an effort to find “friend time.”
Hey, maybe its me… I mean I seem to be having rotten friend luck lately, so maybe I’m the cause. I don’t know… I try to be as much of a giver as I can when it comes to my friends, but it just seems they are all takers.
So I have to admit, if you are reading this you are going to find this post to be kind of ranty, but what else would make for entertaining reads!? LOL